Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
