Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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