I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
