I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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