I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
