i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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