I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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