Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
