I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You're like the curious george of whores
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
