WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
