Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
