im drinking this country out of the recession.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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