hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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