There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
