That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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