you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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