Cold hands, warm shart.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
