Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
