shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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