I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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