I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
