don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
