i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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