so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
