ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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