You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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