Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
