I should be sponsored by Trojan
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
