So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
