Cold hands, warm shart.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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