You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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