The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
