I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
