We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
