I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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