Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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