How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
