I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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