I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want a musical about memes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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