did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
