there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
