I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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