i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
