Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
