Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
