So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
