Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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