You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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