Who wears a wallet chain?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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