Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
